Help Wanted: Stubborn Seeking Sanity
Wednesday, May 2, 2012 at 6:55AM 
I'm not sure if I've made this clear yet.
But, I'm pretty stubborn.
I don't learn my lessons quickly.
Or easily.
I typically like to wait until I'm completely debilitated by some type of self-induced stress-related illness.
(Read: kidney infection that could have completely been avoided by maintaining my body by drinking a readily available liquid known as water.)
Or until the aftermath of a really dramatic emotional breakdown.
(Read: the horror of seeing how puffy my eyes are after crying. My own vanity usually sets me straight immediately.)
Or until I've received an e-vite to my own intervention.
(Read: Requesting a larger recycling bin from the garbage company to hide the extreme quantities of empty wine bottles exiting my kitchen door.)
So, it shouldn't surprise you that I'm not quick to ask for help.
From anyone.
In fact, I avoid asking for help.
Like I avoid decaf.
(Read: A very painful and debilitating poison that renders a perfectly beautiful drink ugly and useless.)
My daughter has this same red-headed independence-issue.
One of her very first sentences was: "I do it."
Getting dressed: I do it.
Eating: I do it.
Pushing a stoller: I do it.
Which takes me to yesterday.
Rummaging through my head looking for solutions.
Trying to figure out how I can do more.
Be more.
Fix more.
Accomplish more.
I caught myself staring at my living-room wall in a sort of catatonic trance.
(This happens when I am overwhelmed. I either completely shut-down. Or turn to Pinterest. Neither are very productive.)
And suddenly I saw the irony of the situation.
Here I am a "Coach."
Yet, I'm so friggin stubborn that I'm trying to be the entire Team.
I've stopped being the Coach. And instead I'm trying to be all of the Players.
I'm not asking for help.
I'm not making time to train people to help me.
I'm not allowing people to help me.
I'm not being a coach.
I'm being a moron.
I'm acting like a toddler saying: I do it.
When I really can't.
The truth is: I can't do it all.
Because I'm not supposed to.
I know I'm not the only one who does this.
We get so many accolades for being super-heroes.
We set impossible standards for ourselves and completely burn ourselves out trying to achieve them.
But we need to remember:
Asking for help doesn't make us weak.
It makes us strong.
Sometimes we are a player.
Sometimes we are the coach.
But, to be successful we always need the entire team.
money, self help tips in Inspiration, Money
Reader Comments (6)
This is exactly what I needed to be reminded of today...thank you!
You're welcome Chris. :)
Just because you're a coach in your professional life doesn't mean you aren't a player in your personal life. Don't you like being on other people's teams (e.g. Brooke's team)? Being able to identify your needs, sit with your vulnerabilities and self-judgments and then reach out for help strengthens the courage within you. Doing this also puts in front of you a mirror to look at yourself and love yourself anyway despite whatever critical thoughts you have towards yourself. What is wrong with loving all of who you are as you are fully in this moment? It doesn't mean that you're not going to continue to strengthen areas of yourself in the future or change parts of yourself or even develop new skills. It just means that instead of beating yourself up as "weak" because you have a team you turn those negative perceptions of yourself (which aren't attracting anything positive into your life I would guess) into something less critical and hurtful towards yourself.
You are stubborn. So what? Lots of people are stubborn. It isn't always a bad quality. This only matters if it is getting in the way like the examples you gave in this post. People still like you. Even me. (Although I'm still ticked at you about this morning.)
What are you talking about? Asking for help is totally weak. I was sitting in the same catatonic trance (which I was in longer and deeper than you were AND I thought of it first) and came up with a way better realization. Not only can I do it all, I am already done it. So I WIN. ;)
OMG Kathie.
You're hilarious.
You are such a delightfully whole and wondrously fearless being, Meadow. I enjoy as well as appreciate the value of your sharing immensely!!!