You Have the Exact Financial Life That You Want to Have.

In our Art of Self Coaching Class last week, one of our clients said that she didn't want what she had. To be clear, she specifically said she didn't want to be in debt. She didn't want to have financial struggle. She didn't want to be stressed about money.

And she was wrong.

She has the exact financial life that she wants to have.

And so do I.
And so do you.

This statement led to a half-hour coaching session as well as a week's worth of controversy on our class forum.

The way we feel boils down to the specific thoughts that we choose to think. And the thought, "I don't have what I want" creates struggle, stress and argues with reality. There is no way to find peace with this thought. It gives away your responsibility and your ability to change your life. And it gives away all of your power.

When you feel powerless, you become immobilized. When you feel like your financial life is beyond your control, you don't take measured action to create change.

And I know that this might be a pretty difficult concept to swallow at first. For most of us, it's way more fun to blame the economy, our husbands, our bosses, and my personal favorite: the evil credit card companies for our current financial lives.

But the truth is, we really do have the exact financial life that we truly want. 

Here's why:

Every thing we have spent money on was our very own CHOICE. Every little cent of it. We spend our money on those things because we WANT TO.

You may think, "But, I didn't want to pay my taxes, or my utilities, or my credit card bills." But that's not true. You wanted to pay for these things way more than you wanted to deal with the consequences of NOT paying. We choose to pay taxes over going to jail. We choose to pay our power bill rather than sit in the dark.

Just as everything we've spent has been our choice, every dollar we have earned has been our CHOICE as well. We have chosen how, when, where and why we earn the money that we do. 

We have the job (or not) that we have chosen to accept. We have agreed to be paid what we are paid. We are not victims of circumstance, we have made deliberate choices to be where we are. 

So, if we EARN what we want and we SPEND what we want... then we do end up having THE EXACT AMOUNT WE WANT.

This is good news. This gives us back our power to create a better life. It gives us control over where we are and what direction we want to choose from here forward. If we realize that our choices have created the financial life that we currently have, then we have the ability to change our future financial choices.

We can choose to spend less.
We can choose to make more.

When I asked myself this question: Do I have the financial life that I want to have? The answer was, "Yes. This is the exact financial life that I DID want. And now I'm going to create the financial life that I know I'm capable of creating."

There's a beautiful poem by Hafiz that says:

This place where you are right now.
God circled on a map for you.

In that light, I'd say.

This place where you financially stand right now.
You circled on a map for yourself.

And from that place.

You can go anywhere.

If I Had More Money... I'd Just... Have More Money.

A lot of people believe they'd be happier if they had more money.

It seems logical... right?

I mean, doesn't it seem obvious that if you won the lotto, or got a raise, or inherited an unexpected windfall of moolah you'd probably be happier? Or, if you had more money in your checking account, or savings account, or less debt, you'd be happier, right?

Believe it or not... if you had more money.

You'd just have more money.

You wouldn't be happier.
You wouldn't be thinner.
Your marriage wouldn't be better.
Your kids wouldn't want to spend more time with you.
You wouldn't find your true love.
You wouldn't be more loved.
You wouldn't be more popular.

You wouldn't be anything other than you... with more money.

It is such a painful belief to think that our happiness resides on the other side of something that's out of our control. Thinking that we'll be happier if we make more money sets us up for mandatory suffering. I don't know about you, but so far, I haven't figured out a way to make the universe behave the way I want it to. So, if I truly want to be happy, I need to figure out a way to be happy in the universe that exists here and now. If I truly want to be happy, I need to figure out a way to be happy with whatever happens to be (or not be) in my bank account.

If I believed that my happiness depends on more money, then I'd be stuck in suffering trying to wrangle the universe into putting more cash in my bank so that I can feel better. And this just never works. 

The truth is: nothing can make me happy except for me. What makes me happy is the perspective I take on my life. It's the story I tell myself about the universe around me. My happiness is determined by my discipline to find thoughts that feel good. My happiness is my choice - not my bank's.

Money can't make me feel anything. It can't crawl inside my body and produce emotion. It can't change the way I think. Only I can do that.

And money can't make you feel anything, either. Only you can do that. 

Money on its own has no power over your emotions. Money is neutral. The story you have about money can create intense abundance, gratitude, love, and happiness and your story also has the power to create incredible suffering, worry and anxiety. But money... cold hard cash... has zero power over the way you feel.

If you want to be happier... you have to start with you. Don't set yourself up to think, "If I had more money, then..." because the truth is "If I had more money, then I'd give myself permission to believe something that makes me feel happy or secure."

So, if you want to be happy. Then be happy, now. Don't wait for the magic number on your bank statement. Don't wait until the debt is gone. Don't wait for the bonus, or the raise. Don't wait. Think about things that feel good in your life right now. Find ways to feel grateful about the opportunities you have. Find ways to feel loving about the people around you. Find ways to express joy, hope and excitement about your life right now.

Happiness truly costs nothing.

Nice girls do get rich.

Nice girls don't make money. They don't get rich. Only mean, ruthless, arrogant, cold women have what it takes to make a lot of money.

That's what I used to believe. That's what a lot of my clients used to believe. And maybe that's what you still believe. But, it really couldn't be further from the truth.

Unfortunately, when we believe this thought, we are left with two choices: be nice and poor or be mean and rich. Personally, neither choice sounds... well... nice.

What's nice is that we have the choice every day to choose how we spend our money. And when we take a look at how we spend our money, we see that we tend choose the nice over the mean.

Think about it...

If one sales clerk is rude and the other one nice, who do you ask for help?

If one waitress makes snide comments about your kids, and the other brings them crayons to keep them busy, who do you tip more?

If one doctor treats you like a number, and the other makes time to answer your questions, who are you loyal to?

If one teacher treats their class like a bunch of snot-nosed brats, and the other loves their students, whose class do you fight like hell to get your child into?

The truth is: we choose nice over mean every day. We choose to give our money to the nice waitress, the nice store clerk, the nice doctor, the nice teacher. We buy books from the nice author. We watch movies created by nice people. We buy computers, cell phones, and cameras that are created and sold by nice people. We are attracted to niceness. We like niceness. And we like to spend our money on niceness.

Does that mean we don't give our money to mean people? Of course not. But, when given the choice, we all tend to choose the nice over the mean.

When I used to believe that 'nice girls don't make money', I was constantly frustrated because I felt like I either had to go against who I was (a nice girl) or I had to learn to do without money. And without realizing it, this belief branched into other supporting beliefs that had a far-reaching impact in my financial life.   I believed that wanting to be nice made me 'bad with money'. I believed that I would be punished financially for being kind. I thought that being generous meant that I was a naive business woman.  I believed that I had to be cold hearted, unemotional, and removed in order to be successful. 

Of course, I was horrible at trying to do that. It just wasn't me. I couldn't be cold-hearted. I couldn't be unemotional. And I was very invested in my business, with my music students and with the teachers who worked for me.  I wasn't aware that my beliefs could be questioned. I had no idea the impact my thoughts had in my life. All I knew at the time was that I felt guilty for being me, I felt ashamed of how I wanted to do business, and I felt stupid for not being able to figure it all out.

And now I know better.

I now know that our beliefs are the filters through which our lives are created.

I know that what I choose to believe directly determines the way I feel and the life I live. I know that nice girls do, in fact, make money. I know that the nicer I am, the more successful I become. I know that my kindness makes me 'good with money'. I know that I am rewarded financially for being authentically generous. I know that my love for my clients makes me a confident business woman.  I know that I need to be loving, open, honest, emotional and engaged in order to be successful.

And this applies to you, too. Your niceness makes us want to support you. Your niceness makes us want to hire you. Your niceness makes us want to buy your products, pay for your services, be your loyal client, your loyal patient and your grateful customer.

Nice girls do get rich.

Be nice.

Make money.