Learn essential tips for co-parenting with a covert narcissist. Discover how to protect your kids, maintain sanity, and navigate divorce for a better future.
Five Things I Learned This Year
Nothing like birthdays and back to school to bring life into a special sort of focus... right? I'm turning 46 this week. That's a pretty damned grown up number. And I have to say that I'm proud of this number. I earned this number. I have never felt more alive, more grounded, more at ease, or more loved.
A Family Un-Broken
She said, "Oh that's good, because we don't really have many people of your kind at our school and she'd probably have a hard time fitting in."
"What kind are we?" I asked, completely baffled and wholly curious to see what was about to come out of her mouth.
"You know... broken," she said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling apologetically, "We don't have any broken families at our school."
Oh. Broken.
For Those Who Are Motherless
It was almost my turn to speak. In our close and huddled circle, each person had already spoken in hushed voices and long pauses -- each taking time to go within, to listen and to wait -- bringing forward only what they had found to be true about their experience, sometimes with the look of astonishment as though they had just discovered something they didn't even know they knew. To sit with someone as they tell the truth is to witness something holy, one of the greatest gifts of our shared human experience.
A Quiet Revolution
Towers of white water rolled toward me. Rows of frothing Goliaths moving sideways and forwards, bumping into each other as the wind whipped their white crests of spray high into the air and further toward the western horizon, doubling their size, magnifying the fierceness.
I felt small.
Blindfolded and Sleepwalking
It’s like I closed my eyes for two minutes. Maybe it was just a blink. I swear, it couldn’t have been that long. Fall came and went. My daughter now too old to be taken door to door by her mother, made plans to trick-or-treat with friends. Did we even buy a pumpkin this year? I don’t think so.
Coming Home
I think this is what happens when a heart gets broken too many times. When a person gets criticized too many times. Or when a body is lonely for too long. To save our own lives, we cut pieces of ourselves off in an attempt to drag ourselves to whatever we are desperately seeking.
Looking Into the Eyes of Freedom
These were little compromises, tiny seemingly-harmless shape-shifty-things. I'd backed myself into a corner of a very small cage. And I wasn't okay in there. Something needed to change.
Finding Refuge in Uncertainty
In an effort to find quiet space in my house, somewhere that I could find solace -- a place to be able to write in peace, I decided to move outside. Our back deck looks over a canopy of oaks stretching from our home down the canyon toward the beach. I created a luxurious outdoor room with a super comfy sectional sofa and overstuffed pillows. I stocked it with cozy blankets (heated ones for cold and foggy mornings) and music (Sonos: I love you). My outdoor living room gets nuclear amounts of sunshine at certain parts of the day, so we hung some extra long outdoor drapes that can pull across part of the deck to shade the patio area.
How to Find Balance
Balance? Are you kidding me? Is that even a thing?
Work-life balance seems to be not only my own nemesis, but just might be the great white whale of our time. It's the thing that we are constantly seeking to conquer, yet never quite able to attain. We wish that there was some kind of magical pie chart that would show us the exact proportions of a life well-lived, but in my experience, the math never really adds up in real life.
I work twelve hour days, seven days a week. I wake up before dark just to get my four miles in before the kids wake up. On any given day, I've got three companies to run, yoga to practice, reading to catch up on, and any spare minute is squirreled away for my writing projects. My husband and I high-five each other on the way out the door in the morning and pass out on the couch hours before the kids put themselves to bed. (Sexy, I know.)