Have you ever experienced that nagging voice in your head that seems to amplify during family gatherings, in-law encounters, or holiday events? It can quickly make you feel unworthy and worthless. Today, let's delve into this internal dialogue, understand how it affects us, and explore strategies to maintain a positive mindset amidst such situations.
Understand Negative Thinking Patterns
When we refer to the voice in your head, we're talking about the intangible realm of your mind—your thoughts, ideas, perceptions, and beliefs. This voice, often critical, judgmental, or envious, narrates and repeats worthless stories that can leave you feeling down. Interestingly, this voice may mimic people from your past, like parents, ex-partners, or even teachers. It can grasp snippets of past conversations and embed them in your mind.
You can think of this voice as that catchy song you can't get out of your head. It keeps playing on repeat, becoming increasingly hard to ignore. Though it may sound like your own voice, it's crucial to recognize that it's just an aspect of your mind—a functioning software.
Cope with Negative Thinking
The voice in your head isn't out to hurt your feelings or sabotage you. It's simply a part of your mind trying to make sense of the world around you. In my Worthy Project, I often liken this voice to a car alarm. To manage it effectively, we need to treat it as such.
Car alarms exist to alert us to impending danger, just like an ancient part of our brain that constantly seeks threats and guards us against them. However, when the voice in your head becomes uncontrollable, it resembles a car alarm that never turns off. Eventually, it loses its ability to signal genuine danger and becomes an annoying disturbance. The good news is that, like a car alarm, this voice evolved to keep us safe and vigilant, and it excels at it when the threat is real.
However, the bad news is that most of the time, there isn't a real threat. Until we learn to silence it, this voice will continue blaring for no valid reason. The work lies in training ourselves not to react to this voice and viewing it as the annoying car alarm that goes off in the middle of the night.
Navigate Family Gatherings and Holidays
Now, let's return to the context of family gatherings, in-law encounters, or holidays where you might not feel entirely at ease. The important thing to remember is that these situations are not solely about the people involved but more about the patterns we've developed or the habits we've formed.
Personally, I carry a long history of uneasiness and baggage surrounding family gatherings. These feelings trace back to my upbringing, where I often felt like an outsider and struggled to find a sense of belonging. Consequently, I tend to bring this baggage into my new family and any similar social events.
I hear the same story in my head: "I don't belong," "They won't like me," "I don't want to go." It's a sense of exposure, vulnerability, and feeling unprotected. While I cherish my immediate family and the comfort they provide, I feel less at ease around unfamiliar individuals or those not part of my upbringing. This triggers a cascade of faulty car alarm voices in my mind.
Before embarking on my journey to worthiness, I would respond by trying harder to be my ideal self—focusing on my appearance, outfit, and the impression I made. However, I soon realized that this insecurity typically arose a day or two before the event. I learned to accept it as a normal reaction for me—a predictable response to these situations. Acknowledging this fact helped me prepare myself mentally, reminding me that I knew how to handle it.
Maintain Self-Worth During the Holidays
To transition from feeling worthless to embracing worthiness, it's crucial to recognize that you are not the voice in your head; you are the one listening. Simply taking this small step can empower you to face the situation with confidence. Now, let's go through a few practical tips to interrupt the negative pattern and create space for a quieter, more worthy voice to be heard.
1. Shift Your Focus: Instead of fixating on the worthless voice in your head, direct your attention to your true self. By consciously diverting your focus, you can disrupt the negative pattern and open up room for a more positive mindset.
2. Recognize the Faulty Car Alarm: Understand that the messages from the voice in your head are not valid reflections of reality. Just as you would see a malfunctioning car alarm as an annoyance rather than a genuine threat, categorize these thoughts as faulty alarms that do not require your immediate reaction.
3. Separate Your Reaction: Try to detach your internal response from the mental noise. Instead of allowing it to influence your emotions and behavior, remind yourself that it's your mind's way of feeling afraid and being on high alert. You don't have to succumb to it.
4. Seek the Truth: Redirect your thoughts by asking yourself, "What is one true thing?" This powerful technique allows you to tap into a deeper and wiser part of your consciousness. The truth will resonate with kindness and authenticity, similar to the way you would speak to a small child.
By following these steps, you can shift any situation from being dominated by the voice in your head and its worthless messages to embracing worthiness. Remember, self-worth necessitates behaving differently from someone who entertains negative stories. It's about adopting a better narrative.
I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on a situation where you often feel not good enough, ashamed, or unworthy—perhaps a family gathering or a holiday event. Imagine the story that plays in your head during that situation—the messages that leave you feeling worthless. Then, set a boundary with that story. Instead of allowing it to shape your emotions and behavior, consciously place it in the category of a faulty car alarm. This simple act of recognition can help you detach from the negativity.
Next, redirect your focus and seek the truth. Ask yourself, "What is one true thing?" Embrace that deeper wisdom within you and bring your attention to the truth. As you consciously shift your mindset, you create space for a more positive and worthy voice to guide you through these challenging situations.
So to recap…
Shift your focus
Recognize the faulty car alarm
Separate your reaction
seek the truth
I hope these strategies will prove helpful to you. Remember, embracing worthiness is an ongoing journey, and it takes practice. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate the process. Feel free to share your experiences and let me know how it goes. Together, we can nurture a positive mindset and cultivate a sense of self-worth that flourishes even during family gatherings and holidays.