Inspiration

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What I Learned From A Teddy Bear And A Tile Floor

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What I Learned From A Teddy Bear And A Tile Floor

I need your support.
You're not helping me enough.
I shouldn't have to do this all by myself.

How many times have we said this?

To our husbands. Coworkers. Family. Friends.

It's really just a fancy way to say:

You should be making my life easier.

We point our finger at the people around us and give them the job of taking the difficulty out of our existence. As if that is even possible.

And when our life doesn't feel easier - we blame them.

We say we aren't supported.

We say they should be doing more.

But the only way to feel anything is to think the thought that creates it. When we give another person the job of making us feel, we create immense suffering for ourselves.

Every time.

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Built For Days Like This

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Built For Days Like This

It was still dark outside. Customers had lined up with their lawn chairs and sleeping bags. Some had been there all night. The store had not opened yet, but the excitement buzzed around us. We were in the storeroom, receiving last minute training, watching videos from around the world showing our fellow employees, people just like us, handling a day like today.

My brilliant manager looked each one of us in the eye - and said:

Our store was built for days like this.

She explained to us that our store wasn't built for the average Tuesday afternoon, where we had one very friendly customer who knew exactly what they needed and just handed over their credit card to make a simple purchase.

Our store was built for days like today. Lines out the doors. Frustrated customers. Excited customers. Disappointed customers. Equipment not working. Employees going too slow. Or too fast. This was the day that our store was built for. And this is the job we signed up for.

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Life Saver

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Life Saver

My boat has officially been rocked.

And not in a good way.

From two sides of my life, one from the West - one from the East. Two storms crashed right into the middle of my week. Into the center of my life.

I can't stop these storms. I can't make these storms behave the way I want them to behave. I can't stop them from shaking up my ocean. 

This is me. In the middle of it. No land in sight.

How do I want to I handle this? What am I making this mean? Who do I want to be in the midst of this?

Will I allow this to sink me?
Or do I have the courage to swim?

Ugh. I think I should have taken more swimming lessons. 

10 Things I've Learned By @#$%Ing Up

10 Things I've Learned By @#$%Ing Up

Ok, I have to admit.  Last week I did something really stupid.

I mean... extra stupid.

I'm not talking about a normal kind of stupid. It was an extra-special-only-someone-as-lame-as-me-could-do-something-as-stupid-as-this kind of stupid. It was a stare-at-the-sky-screaming-profanities kind of stupid.

It was a stupid sundae with dumb-sauce.

It was the kind of stupid that either you crawl into a little ball and hide from.

Or you sit down and put pen to paper and learn from.

And that's what I did. (Well, technically, I screamed profanities, rolled around on the floor, hid my head in shame, and tried to blame anyone - or anything - else I could. And then, put pen to paper.)

I coached myself through it. And I felt better.

Amazingly better.

Dare I say... ? I even felt a little smart.

I realized that the most important things I've ever learned have come from some of the stupidest mistakes, dumbest reasons, lamest decisions, and worst ideas I've ever had.

Here a short list of some of life lessons that I've learned from fucking up:

This Seems Hard... Because It Is.

This Seems Hard... Because It Is.

I have a love/hate relationship with my yoga teacher. She is so sweet and cute. She speaks fluent Zen. She practically floats from inner-peace.

Yesterday, in her serene "Rock-a-bye Baby" sing-song tone, she asked us to hold a lunge, for what seemed like 103 minutes, while twisting our bodies in the opposite direction that a human is meant to be bent, sweat dripping off our noses, balancing on the tip of our right big toe while 'smiling with our eyes.'

And right when I was about to give up, yell profanities at her, or try to start her on fire with my retinas, she said:

If this seems really hard... it's because it is. 

Immediately, I felt relief. I held the pose and relaxed into the fact that it was just hard. And it was supposed to be hard. I thought it was so interesting that I thought I couldn't hold the pose for one more second and that I was willing to walk away and give up.

Until I knew that it was supposed to be hard.

And with that knowledge, I was able to keep going.

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What's Done Can Be Undone.

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What's Done Can Be Undone.

A few hours ago I had written the most brilliant blog post ever. It was witty. It was inspiring. It was personal. It was honest. It had all the good stuff that blog posts should have. 

It would have dazzled you. 

It was titled, ironically, "What's Done Can be Undone"... just like this one. It was about the decisions we make and how we dupe ourselves into believing a story that we are stuck with our decisions. It was about learning to find the courage and freedom to change our minds. It was about making choices with our present lives that are valid to our current selves... instead of living with past choices out of regret, guilt, or fear of disappointment. 

And of course, I have no proof of the genius-ness that I shared on the page... because instead of clicking 'save and publish', I accidentally pressed delete.