Have you ever wished there was a way to shut down narcissistic manipulation without uttering a single word? If you’re constantly feeling drained, doubting yourself, or trapped in cycles of frustration, the usual advice about setting boundaries might actually be making things worse. Without the right tools, you risk staying caught in the narcissist's web, repeating exhausting patterns.
As a coach, author, and survivor with over 20 years of experience researching self-worth and narcissistic relationships, I’ve developed simple systems to empower you in any situation. Today, you’ll learn:
The biggest mistake people make with narcissists
Why certain types of boundaries backfire
A surprising way to rethink boundaries that will change how you approach them forever
Jello-O Boundaries
Jello-O boundaries are vague, wobbly, and easily pushed around. They outline who you are but lack firmness. A light push from anyone—whether it’s a narcissist, a friend, or even a stranger—can blur or reshape those lines.
When you have Jello-O boundaries, you adapt and shapeshift to meet others' needs. This leaves you feeling wounded and unsure of who you are or what you want. It’s almost impossible to tell who’s crossing your boundaries and who genuinely needs help.
Here’s what this might look like:
A mom cleans up her kids’ mess instead of asking them to help.
A friend cancels plans last minute, and you say, "It’s okay," without addressing the inconvenience.
A husband avoids asking his wife why she’s pulling away, hoping the issue resolves itself.
Narcissists thrive on Jello-O boundaries. They exploit your flexibility, taking more of your time, energy, and emotional space. Worse, you might misinterpret genuinely kind people as manipulative simply because you’re constantly feeling intruded upon.
Dorito Boundaries
After being hurt or manipulated, some people swing to the opposite extreme, creating boundaries that are rigid and brittle—like Doritos. These boundaries are crispy and inflexible, often stemming from a fear of vulnerability.
Dorito boundaries look like:
Avoiding dating after a painful breakup.
Ignoring texts out of fear of saying the wrong thing.
Shutting down or retreating at the first sign of a request.
While these boundaries may feel protective, they’re isolating. You end up keeping everyone out, missing opportunities for genuine connection. Narcissists see Dorito boundaries as a challenge, knowing that with enough pressure, they can break through.
Soup Can Boundaries
Instead of being wobbly like Jello-O or brittle like a Dorito, think of your boundaries as a solid, unshakable can of soup. A soup can boundary has:
A strong, solid outer shell that doesn’t bend under pressure.
Warmth and openness inside, allowing for genuine connection with those who respect your limits.
When you have a soup can boundary, a narcissist quickly loses interest. They can’t exploit you because you don’t bend, explain, or justify yourself. Meanwhile, people with good intentions recognize and respect your strength.
How to Use The Soup Can Boundary
Words alone don’t create boundaries—your actions do. Here’s an example:
Your manager asks you to stay late.
Jello Response: “Oh, um, I guess I can stay. I had plans, but maybe I can change them.”
Dorito Response: You leave early without addressing the request.
Soup Can Response: “No, I’m not available tonight.”
If the manager applies pressure, guilt, or manipulation, you remain firm. You calmly gather your things and leave at the usual time, showing that your decision is final.
This approach gives clarity: a narcissist will keep pushing, while a reasonable person will respect your boundary.
Why Soup Can Boundaries Work
Narcissists can't exploit consistency. They lose interest when their tactics don’t work.
You gain clarity on others' intentions. Actions, not words, reveal who respects you.
You protect yourself while staying open to genuine connections.
By setting boundaries with your actions, you eliminate the need for endless explanations or justifications.
Next Steps
Now that you’ve learned how to stop narcissists in their tracks, it’s crucial to understand what they’ll do once they know they can’t manipulate you.→Click here to discover:
The three key things a narcissist will do when they realize they’ve lost control.
Real-life examples to recognize these behaviors.
Actionable tips to stay strong and empowered.
With these tools, you’ll feel more confident and protected, no matter what a narcissist tries next.