Money is often considered a dirty word. It's a taboo subject often rife with struggle, secrecy and scandal. Most of us want to have happier and healthier lives. We want to find more joy and freedom and experience less tension and anxiety. For many of us, our relationship with money is one of the most shameful, stressful and worrisome aspects of our lives.
Why Money Matters
I know what it feels like to be broke. Worried. Scared. To feel out of control. And to feel like a fraud.
I know what it feels like to find out that the check didn't clear. Or that the $5 in my pocket needs to stretch all the way until next Tuesday. To cross my fingers, wishing that a client will come out of nowhere. Or to feel completely crushed when I didn't get the job.
I know what it feels like to be disappointed in myself. To feel burning shame. And to wish I could pretend hard enough to make the fear go away.
I know what it feels like to feel unworthy. Stupid. Confused. To think that money would fix my problems. Or make my stress go away.
And I was wrong. Money wasn't the problem.
I was.
Gotta Love The Thing You Hate
You can’t hate your bank account into being rich. You can’t criticize your body into being thin. You can’t resent your career into success. And you can’t bitch your relationship into true everlasting love.
But people try to do this every day. People like you. People like me.
We focus on things we don’t like. And we think that this focus is what facilitates change. As if hating something enough will make it disappear.
This hate, resent, criticizing and bitching that we practice creates a tremendous amount of un-needed suffering for us. It makes our lives more complicated. It creates an incredible emotional burden. And it has zero payoff. This strategy is a guaranteed fail.
No One Is Going To Save You
Let’s get this straight.
I have never been a docile, passive or victim-y person. I have never appeared to be the damsel-in-distress-type. I’ve always had my snappy comebacks. My audaciously loud laugh. My sassy independence.
Yet for most of my adult life, concealed behind the tough exterior, was a woman (girl) secretly waiting to be saved.
I believed that if I just had the right guy. Or the right job. Or the right body. Or the right family.
Or maybe if I lived in the right place. Or fell into enough money.
That everything would be ok. That I would finally be safe.
Lovable.
That I would feel at home. That I would belong.
How To Stop Being A Loser
I don’t care if we’re talking about business, money, marriage or bodies. Look at every single person that is at the top of their game and you will see someone who has put in the hard work.
Too many of us avoid hard work because of the story we have about it. We tell ourselves that it’s too painful. It takes too much time. It won’t make a difference anyway. We think that by just showing up and passively going through the motions - that we’ll somehow arrive at success.
Go to my gym and look at the line-up of women on the cardio machines. On any given morning you’ll see Slumpie. She’s the woman bent over the magazine. Holding the sidebars to keep any discomfort at bay. Hunched over - not a bead of sweat. She passively spends an hour of her life. Daily. And has been doing this for months.
How To Spend Less
Building wealth (and paying off debt) can be reduced to two very simple steps. Earn more. Spend less.
We all know that these steps work. But many of us struggle with following through. We try to white-knuckle ourselves into a tiny budget, which might work momentarily, but ends up backfiring later down the road. We try to live on cash for half the month and then realize that we’ve run out of money once again, and turn to our credit cards to bail us out. Unexpected expenses derail us. Or we’re so behind on our bills that it seems like we can never catch up.
So, even though “spending less” is a simple solution. It can be very difficult to put into practice without some very clear guidelines.
I teach three basic questions to ask yourself when it comes to spending:
Can I afford it?
Do I truly want it?
Is it worth it?
Reverence For Old Injuries
Anyone who has had knee-replacement surgery knows that they need to be careful with their new parts. They know that this old injury can rear its head again easily. They wouldn’t set out to run a marathon without being mindful of what their leg has already been through. Even though they may be healed and they may be able to do most things - there is a reverence for this area of their body. A carefulness.
If we are wanting to create meaningful and lasting change, we need to know where our old injuries lie. We need to know what 'leg to favor.' Where to be careful with ourselves. Otherwise, we are prone to re-injuring ourselves.
When I was pulling myself out of debt, I got cocky and over-estimated my relationship with money. And with myself.
I thought I was totally healed up. And in a hurry to be better.
Daily Self Pride
One of the most awesome feelings that we experience is the feeling of being proud of ourselves. Of knowing we did what we set out to do. Knowing that we didn’t stop or give up. Being able to look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Yes. I did that.”
Unfortunately, most people set themselves up to almost never feel this feeling. They put ridiculous limitations on self-pride and don’t see what a powerful tool it can be. They dole out a few tiny crumbs of self-pride hidden under a mountains of self-cruelty.
Every single day, we have the opportunity to be proud of ourselves.
Every single day, we have the choice to do that thing. To follow through. To keep our promises.
Ask yourself: What will I be proud of today? And then go do it.
Stay Conscious
Accidental success doesn’t exist.
No one accidentally pays off their debt.
Or writes a best-seller.
No one accidentally runs a marathon.
Or loses a hundred pounds.
No one accidentally becomes the President.
Or treks across Antarctica.
But accidental defeat happens every day. It is the product of unconsciousness. It’s the result of not paying attention. Of closing our eyes. Of sleep walking. Of being on auto pilot.
It’s the result of multi-tasking ourselves through a scattered and non-focused life. It’s what happens when we aren’t paying attention.
Radical Action
Once we know the truth, our decision has been made and our target is in focus - it’s time for our next move. Radical Action.
Radical Action is doing anything and everything to jumpstart the change process.
We must become a fanatic. We must be willing to create significant and extreme change. Now.
Radical Action means sacrificing more than we ever want to. And working harder than we ever thought possible. It’s about stretching our strength. Our resolve.
It’s a memo to the universe that we’re serious. And that we’ll do what it takes.
It seals our self-promise in blood. Sweat. Maybe even tears.
If we’re not serious about changing, this step will be painful. Maybe even excruciating. It will eventually cripple us. And stop us in our tracks.