Inspiration

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Five Questions to Help You Navigate Anger

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Five Questions to Help You Navigate Anger

There are quite a few things that I'd love to devote my entire day to, but let's be clear: jury duty isn't one of them. Alas, last week my number was called and it was my turn to go on down to the courthouse for my civic duty.

To be honest, I think I was in denial about the whole thing, half-hoping that by some miracle it would disappear off my schedule before the date arrived. But as the minutes ran out, I finally came around to accepting reality. I packed a bag full of books, brought my laptop, my phone and my journal and settled into a day that I expected to be about as thrilling as a trip to the DMV.

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Self-Esteem 101

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It snuck up on me before I even realized it. I was walking into yoga, my mat rolled under my arm, minding my own business, and out of nowhere there appeared a perfectly beautiful specimen of a woman. She was tall and thin with her hair smoothed back into a neat ponytail. She was elegant and drop-dead gorgeous. And her body? Ridiculous. Before I could even take in the entire spectrum of her prettiness, my stomach started to churn, my shoulders dropped, my eyes sank, and my feet wanted to run back to my car. Just the mere sight of such a beast of beauty made me want to cower and hide.

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Heartbreaks and Triumphs

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Heartbreaks and Triumphs

I think I have PTSD from Valentine's Day. Those years spent as a single mom were some of the best years of my life but also some of the most lonely and painful. When every magazine, TV show and social network was bantering on about romance, I just wanted to slink off and hide until the whole thing was over with. 

Don't get me wrong, I did great things with my daughter. We'd go out to dinner and to the movies. We'd get flowers and decorate the dining room table. I did my best to create a version of Valentines Day that worked for us. But honestly, it still hurt.

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How to Find Balance

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How to Find Balance

Balance? Are you kidding me? Is that even a thing? 

Work-life balance seems to be not only my own nemesis, but just might be the great white whale of our time. It's the thing that we are constantly seeking to conquer, yet never quite able to attain. We wish that there was some kind of magical pie chart that would show us the exact proportions of a life well-lived, but in my experience, the math never really adds up in real life. 

I work twelve hour days, seven days a week. I wake up before dark just to get my four miles in before the kids wake up. On any given day, I've got three companies to run, yoga to practice, reading to catch up on, and any spare minute is squirreled away for my writing projects. My husband and I high-five each other on the way out the door in the morning and pass out on the couch hours before the kids put themselves to bed. (Sexy, I know.) 

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The Power of a Beautiful Question

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The Power of a Beautiful Question

Every January I take some time to look back over the previous year. I reflect on what went well and the aspects that I liked. I look at the challenges of the previous year, what was difficult and how I can rise above those challenges in the upcoming year. This past year was a demanding work year for me. I worked more hours, in more locations, with more intensity than ever before. Yet, reflecting back on how much energy I've been expending, I still feel like I'm not keeping up. At the end of the day, I'm still collapsing into bed with the nagging feeling that I could have and should have done more.

I've spent the past week journaling, studying and reflecting on my priorities, my desires and on the overall vision that I want to create for 2016. What I found is that I had forgotten the importance of one of the most basic (yet life-changing) life coaching tools available: the power of a beautiful question.

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A Mother's Loss

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A Mother's Loss

It happened again.

I watched my daughter get out of the car, sling her backpack over her shoulder and run after some friends. I watched as she crossed the busy street to the inner sanctum of junior high. She was laughing, face to the sky, hair flying in the wind, so beautiful that time seemed to stand still just for her.

I sat in my car watching, waiting for her to look back in my direction, if even for a second. 

She did. She always does. A smile and a secret wave saying, "Bye, I love you."

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Ask A Better Question

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Ask A Better Question

At some point over the last few months, I decided to not have fun.

I don't know if it was the aftermath of several back-to-back work events, moving to a new home, an extraordinary and unexpected tax bill, pouring myself into writing a new book, or saying "I do" and settling into a new life. But at some point, I unconsciously decided to get serious.

As if I wouldn't do these things if I allowed myself to be happy in the meantime. As if my seriousness would make me more efficient, more successful, better at getting-shit-done. Somewhere along the line, I fell into my old habit of living life as one never-ending checklist and seeing each day as the hamster wheel that gets me no closer to what I'm truly wanting.

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The House That Built Me

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The House That Built Me

I'm sitting on the cold terra cotta tile floor. My finger tracing grey squares of gritty grout. The sun's warmth opens all the white lilies that line the deck, not strong enough, even on the sultriest of days, to bring this floor to even a corpse-like temperature. Its cold seeps through my jeans now and I laugh through tears. Thinking of how many times I've cursed that cold tile. Sucking the life force out of my feet for the past five winters. And even so, how I remained barefoot most of the year.

This beautiful floor. The hardness of it is highlighted by our quiet echoed conversation. Its unwillingness to bend or comfort. It had a job to do and it didn't get caught up in softening a blow to a foot or to a head. It was unconcerned with offering warmth or pliability. 

It held this house together. And it kept us suspended and supported in this place.

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The #1 Gift You Should Never Accept

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The #1 Gift You Should Never Accept

Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Einstein defined this as insanity.

I define this as...

The holidays.

Trying to create the Pinterest-perfect-Rockwellian holiday, we hurry and worry. We compare and despair. It's as if we've turned the holidays into a competitive sport. Social media being the judge and jury. And the harder we train, and the tougher our game. The worse we feel.

We hold ourselves to the standard of being thin, happy, rich, gracious, grateful, cheerful, merry and bright, while the kids must all get along, and the cards need to be sent on time, and the dog needs to stop eating the ornaments off the tree (or maybe that's just at my house). Which makes us highly susceptible to receiving gifts that we should never accept in the first place.

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Five Things I Thought I'd Never Be Thankful For

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Five Things I Thought I'd Never Be Thankful For

race yourself.

This isn't going to be a typical Thanksgiving post full of positivity-lite and generic gratitude.

Ironic, because I find myself in a place in my life where I have never been more happy. Or more grateful. And I could easily write a piece on how beautiful my life is and how thankful I am for that. To which you could roll your eyes. Or burn with jealousy. Or give me a standing ovation.

And I honestly don't think it would do either of us any good.

So, I thought about what I'd really like to share with you. What gratitude really means to me. And what giving thanks actually looks like in my life.

It's easy to be thankful for the "good stuff." A loving and kind man. Healthy kids. Career success. Strong body. Great friends. Beautiful home. 

It's easy to be thankful for the "simple stuff." A hot cup of coffee. Warm fuzzy socks. The song of the black bird outside my window. Amazon Prime.