Narcissists use subtle gaslighting tactics that sound normal but leave you doubting yourself. From guilt trips to silent control, this blog breaks down 5 ways they manipulate conversations—and how to protect your truth. If you’ve ever felt worse after talking with them, this explains why.
Today, I’ll show you 3 facial clues that narcissists can’t hide, explain why your instincts alert you to these signs, and, since Meghan Markle is a woman often labeled as narcissistic, we’ll examine whether these red flags appear on her face—or if they’re just a coincidence.
When you're dealing with a narcissist, spotting their lies and exposing the truth can save you from years of manipulation, stress, and emotional abuse. Learn 3 simple questions that expose their lies, what you need to say to always get the truth, and the one word that unravels their whole act.
How do you know if someone has an avoidant attachment style, or if you’re actually dealing with a narcissist in disguise? Today, I’ll share simple ways to tell if an avoidant is actually a narcissist in disguise, real life examples of how to spot the difference, and simple strategies to empower you in any situation.
The mind games of a narcissist can be difficult to spot, and if you don't understand them, you could lose your job, your family, or the relationships you love most. Today, I'll share 5 mind games that narcissists play, real life examples of how to spot them, and simple strategies to empower you in any situation.
I said a prayer for my heart tonight.
I felt that cold seeping in.
The inky blackness that hides in my veins. Just waiting for a call to duty. To harden and cement a barrier so thick that I will be protected from this hurt.
The white hot barbed-wire that courses from my gut. Twisting and turning a tangled rusted knot. Weaving itself a corset through my rib cage. Suffocating and stifling. Tighter. Till there were only two words.
Love me.
Listen.
We all have them.
Some of us have long ones. Some of us have short ones. Some of us have nice ones. Some of us have mean ones. Some of us pretend to not have them at all. And some of us just whip ‘em out at any old time, and use them as manipulative weapons of mass destruction.
No matter the size, the length or the age.
We always keep these hidden from sight. And we know the entire thing by heart.
On page 42 it might say, “If you see that I’m upset, you’re supposed to ask me what’s wrong.”
On page 128 it might say, “If it’s Christmas, you’re supposed to know what I want and get it for me.”
On page 387 it might say, “When you see a beautiful woman, you’re supposed to be struck blind momentarily and give me extra attention just because she walked by.”
On page 956 it might say, “When you’re upset, you’re supposed to talk to me and make me feel included.”
Basically, we carry around encyclopedia-set-sized invisible instruction manuals titled “How You Should Make Me Happy; Volumes I - Infinity.”
I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. A little piece of heaven surrounded by ranches, farms and ocean in the middle of the California coast line.
This morning, I took advantage of an unusually-blank weekday morning and jumped in my car to go to one my favorite running trails about 20 minutes from my house.
Mornings can be utterly gorgeous in this valley. For the short time that California is green - it’s almost arrogant with its vibrancy. Showing off for the sky.
But not today.
Nope. Just grey. Subdued.
Rounding the bend into the valley, to the left you can see all the way into wine country. And the hills beyond. To the right, you look up the valley to the ocean. Beyond the ranches.
And today there was a single horse in the middle of the field.
Surrounded by vultures. In an equidistant circle.
There had be at least 30 of them. Sitting there. Ring-around-the-rosie all facing the horse.
My heart sank. Something is wrong.
I got to my trail but couldn’t shake the thought of that horse and those vultures.
I have a question that I'd love for you to answer.
Try not to read ahead quite yet.
I want you to articulate your own answer to this.
What makes a person extraordinary?
Pause. Don't read on. Answer the question first.
Really think about it. Think about the people who you think are amazing or extraordinary.
What is it that makes up that extraordinary-ness?
What is your definition of a truly amazing human being?
I posted this question in Rowdyville (read their answers below) - and have been contemplating my own answer all week.
And what I found was there is actually a very simple 2-step concept that sets apart Mother Teresa. Martin Luther King. Oprah. Or any other amazing person that you know.
Many of us become obsessed with 'doing' because we believe this defines who we are.
We 'do' all these things to try to prove that we aren't replaceable.
That we matter.
That we are important.
And not invisible.
But all this doing is clouding the real essence of who we are. We're actually losing ourselves in all the busy-ness - which ends up making us feel even more replaceable, more invisible.
You can’t hate your bank account into being rich. You can’t criticize your body into being thin. You can’t resent your career into success. And you can’t bitch your relationship into true everlasting love.
But people try to do this every day. People like you. People like me.
We focus on things we don’t like. And we think that this focus is what facilitates change. As if hating something enough will make it disappear.
This hate, resent, criticizing and bitching that we practice creates a tremendous amount of un-needed suffering for us. It makes our lives more complicated. It creates an incredible emotional burden. And it has zero payoff. This strategy is a guaranteed fail.
Let’s get this straight.
I have never been a docile, passive or victim-y person. I have never appeared to be the damsel-in-distress-type. I’ve always had my snappy comebacks. My audaciously loud laugh. My sassy independence.
Yet for most of my adult life, concealed behind the tough exterior, was a woman (girl) secretly waiting to be saved.
I believed that if I just had the right guy. Or the right job. Or the right body. Or the right family.
Or maybe if I lived in the right place. Or fell into enough money.
That everything would be ok. That I would finally be safe.
Lovable.
That I would feel at home. That I would belong.
I don’t care if we’re talking about business, money, marriage or bodies. Look at every single person that is at the top of their game and you will see someone who has put in the hard work.
Too many of us avoid hard work because of the story we have about it. We tell ourselves that it’s too painful. It takes too much time. It won’t make a difference anyway. We think that by just showing up and passively going through the motions - that we’ll somehow arrive at success.
Go to my gym and look at the line-up of women on the cardio machines. On any given morning you’ll see Slumpie. She’s the woman bent over the magazine. Holding the sidebars to keep any discomfort at bay. Hunched over - not a bead of sweat. She passively spends an hour of her life. Daily. And has been doing this for months.
Building wealth (and paying off debt) can be reduced to two very simple steps. Earn more. Spend less.
We all know that these steps work. But many of us struggle with following through. We try to white-knuckle ourselves into a tiny budget, which might work momentarily, but ends up backfiring later down the road. We try to live on cash for half the month and then realize that we’ve run out of money once again, and turn to our credit cards to bail us out. Unexpected expenses derail us. Or we’re so behind on our bills that it seems like we can never catch up.
So, even though “spending less” is a simple solution. It can be very difficult to put into practice without some very clear guidelines.
I teach three basic questions to ask yourself when it comes to spending:
Can I afford it?
Do I truly want it?
Is it worth it?
Anyone who has had knee-replacement surgery knows that they need to be careful with their new parts. They know that this old injury can rear its head again easily. They wouldn’t set out to run a marathon without being mindful of what their leg has already been through. Even though they may be healed and they may be able to do most things - there is a reverence for this area of their body. A carefulness.
If we are wanting to create meaningful and lasting change, we need to know where our old injuries lie. We need to know what 'leg to favor.' Where to be careful with ourselves. Otherwise, we are prone to re-injuring ourselves.
When I was pulling myself out of debt, I got cocky and over-estimated my relationship with money. And with myself.
I thought I was totally healed up. And in a hurry to be better.
